


Bite Your Tongue

by perksofbeingaiko



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron gets his shit together, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 04:49:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6142025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perksofbeingaiko/pseuds/perksofbeingaiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>He didn’t let himself worry about rejection, knowing that if he fell into this, Robert would be there to catch him. </em>
</p>
<p>When did my life become a Hallmark card?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>[Or, after everything, Aaron and Robert are <em>just friends, thanks</em>. Now, if you could just tell everyone else that.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bite Your Tongue

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Fruit Bats song When U Love Somebody  
> "When you love somebody but bite your tongue, all you get is a mouthful of blood."
> 
> Thank you to Vikki for Britpicking away all my awful American English to British English. Thank you to Julian for making sure this story didn't read like a third grade writing assignment turned in late.

Early mornings were the best time to work. He had gotten to the yard at half 6, relishing in the warm morning that left traces of humidity sticking to his skin. This was the routine – silent work jarred by the cacophony of metal scrap thrown to the side as he gutted cars and sifted through piles of scrap to find what he needed. Most days, he didn’t bother with turning on the radio, preferring silence to early morning DJ chatter.

The hours passed quickly. The sunlight moved overhead, casting warm orange glows that turned to blinding yellow rays as time rolled on. He had expected Adam around 9, but it was nearing 11 and there was still no sign of him. _Doesn’t matter_ , he thought. He knew better than to tell Adam off about skiving work when he was infamous for it himself. It was a miracle in itself that either of them kept the business going between the two of them.

Just after 11, he straightened himself from where he was leaning over an old emerald Land Rover that had lived its glory years over ten years ago, and now was rusted around the bumpers, the boot lid dented and practically begging to be binned. His spine popped as he bent back, groaning as if he were 30 years older than his 24 years, pulling off his gloves to head inside the trailer.

It had rained the night before, the yard thick with the scent of wet dirt. The door to the trailer squeaked and splashed residual water as he opened it, walking in without bothering to kick off the mud and water he was tracking into the so-called office. Since Adam had bunked off without a word and Robert could hardly be bothered to show up and actually get his hands dirty lately, he would have to be in charge of updating the records. He pulled up the logs, full of spread sheets that he knew just enough about to plug in words and numbers, leaving the calculations and meaning to Robert.

He was distantly aware of the crunch of gravel beneath tires sounding from outside, but couldn’t be bothered to check who it was. They’d find him if it was someone important. _Or, hopefully they’ll leave me be. Not up for it today,_ he thought to himself, trying to keep any bitterness about the early morning rise after a late night from his mind, but that was the thing with Aaron – indignant thoughts were always just two steps away.

He heard a curse and the clang of the metal stairs outside before the door pulled open, bringing in a rush of the May air into the small trailer, as well as a mildly put off Robert. He was holding two Styrofoam cups in hand and muttering something about safety hazards and puddles, and Aaron let his shoulders relax at the intrusion. He’d never been the most sociable person, but ever since the start of the year, any time Aaron was alone with someone his muscles would tense, ready to fight against pitying stares or his family feeling like they knew what was best for him.

It hadn’t been like that with Robert in a long time. They weren’t _together_ , but they were good as. With Robert, Aaron could let down walls and know that he wouldn’t be judged, no matter what was on the other side. He’d have to be blind to not practically see hearts in Robert’s eyes, but that was something he’d worry about a different day.

Robert set one of the cups down in front of Aaron, before taking up his usual seat by the door. He sipped on his own as he began telling him about whatever contract he’d managed to pull this time. Aaron half-listened, not because he wasn’t interested, but because he was trying to not devote his full attention to the small throb in his temple that the late night and early morning was causing him, hoping to tame it with the warm tea as he drank.

Calm overtook him, partnered with the rambling of Robert’s deeper timbre he would adopt when it was just the two of them and the low buzz of artificial lighting from overhead. The tea warmed the back of his throat, spreading comfort through his chest as he let himself breathe. The dull ache in his head continued, and he scrubbed at his eyes.

Robert must have realized Aaron wasn’t listening. He’d come around the desk and placed his hand on the back of Aaron’s neck, looking down at him with that furrowed brow and concern that had practically been synonymous with Robert all throughout the last months. Since finding out. Since the trial. Since…

_Don’t think about him._

He tilted his head up and let himself give Robert a smile, shrugging him off. “’m fine, stop mollycoddling, ‘s just a headache.”

“Yeah, because we know how reliable you are with self-diagnosis,” Robert replied, squeezing at Aaron’s shoulder again before backing off. Aaron rolled his eyes and pushed himself up from his chair, standing in front of Robert and holding his arms out in a “see for yourself” sort of way.

Robert’s body instinctively leaned forward, pulled into Aaron’s space. He’d go to the grave before saying it out loud, but the fact that Robert was taller than him and would adjust his stance to accommodate Aaron without thinking brought out something fierce in Aaron – something that was softer than lust but far too greedy to be endearment. “Just making sure my employees aren’t working sick. Could be a lawsuit, d’you know?” Robert fiddled with the top button on Aaron’s hi-vis, popping it and un-popping it as they stood.

Aaron’s eyes narrowed, but he forced his lips not to curl up into a smile. “Not your employee, mate. I own this business. If anything, you’re underneath me.” Aaron bit at his lip to keep himself from cracking at the innuendo he had unintentionally laid out.

Robert seemed to have other ideas, crowding further into Aaron’s space before whispering, “You’d love me to be underneath you, wouldn’t you?” He’d always been awful with the pickup lines, and just as Aaron lifted his hand to gently push away against Robert’s chest, the door flew open and the boys sprang apart.

Adam stood there, seemingly guilty at having interrupted, but as he cast his wide eyes back and forth between the two of them, his smile widened. “Sorry, wasn’t expecting the both of you hidin’ out in here. _Together_.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and Aaron had had enough, rolling his eyes and sitting back down in his chair to plug in more meaningless numbers and words. Anything to distract from the way Adam was looking for all the world like the cat that got the cream, and from the return of Robert’s furrowed brow as he stared down at the floor.

His tea had gone cold, but it kept his mouth occupied as Robert wordlessly excused himself. Adam pulled out the second desk chair, spinning it around to rest his arms against the back of the seat, looking at Aaron expectantly. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Oh, come on! You two were flippin’ seconds away from havin’ it right on this desk when I walked in. Might’ve done, too, if I hadn’t.”

“Well you were quick to barge in, weren’t ya? If you wanted in on it, all you had to do was ask, mate.” Aaron stuffed the logs back into the manila folder, giving up on records for the afternoon. He sidestepped around Adam and out the door.

Adam was quick to follow. “Thanks, but I’ll pass.” He grabbed Aaron’s shoulder, turning him around and waggling his eyebrows again. Aaron’s face scrunched in joking disgust, lips turning down dramatically. “Seriously, mate, is something going on with you two again?” There was hope in his eyes that was somehow both reassuring and off-putting. “After everything, I don’t think even Chas would have much of a problem if it were.”

“Look, I told you. We’re just mates. Nothing more.” Aaron turned back toward his car, ignoring Adam’s calls of “Well, why not?” as he closed the door. He let out a deep breath, shaking himself before starting the ignition.

_Well, why not?_

********

Things had gone a bit weird after that. Any time he was seen with Robert, it was like the whole village was staring at them, even people he didn’t really know. It was like the whole village had eyes on him, from Belle and Sam at Leyla’s to his mum and Cain whenever he’d go home. Even Diane had been eyeing him from behind the bar, despite her being told constantly that work wasn’t good for her and that she should be resting. The only one who hadn’t gone completely off was Liv, but he figured that had more to do with her not giving a toss about Robert and less to do with whatever was going on with everyone else.

Today was no different. He had told Robert he’d meet him at the pub, but he’d been running late. Robert had already ordered him a pint, and it sat perspiring in front of him, his own drink a quarter finished. Aaron grabbed his pint and steered them away from the barstools and into one of the booths. He really didn’t want to deal with the scrutiny up close and personal.

He picked at the torn polyester of the seat, foam poking through as he chipped away at the frayed bits. They sat side by side, preferring the booth that ran along the back wall. There hadn’t been many people in, typical for late afternoon on a Thursday. He was just glad to be with Robert without the added closeness of the rest of the village boring down on him.

They talked about nothing. Work things. With the way things had been, personal life seemed like a taboo talking point, and it was like they had both silently agreed that small talk was easier in public than life events could be. So Robert talked about menial things, like the hole he found in the pocket of his new jeans, rattling off how he’d have to ring the manufacturer and demand compensation for faulty products, and Aaron just listened. It was easy, just listening to Robert. It was relaxing in a way nothing else in his life seemed to be.

Robert had always been expressive, contrary to how controlled he kept himself when telling a lie, as if every other emotion was free game. He was growing his hair out again, and it curled right above his ears the way Aaron loved. He smiled and pulled his eyes away from watching Robert’s facial expressions and startled at his mum, Vic, Marlon, and Diane staring at him from behind the bar before turning away like they hadn’t just been caught.

He swatted at Robert’s thigh to get his attention. “Robert,” Aaron whispered.

“…and he’d told me it was imported leather, but I know he meant - _oof_ , what?” Robert rubbed at his ankle where Aaron had just kicked at him. Aaron raised his eyebrows, trying to subtly point toward the bar with his eyes, but Robert just looked more confused. “Are we playing charades now, what’s going on?” Aaron hung his head. _Oh, for fuck’s sake_ , he thought before he scooted closer to Robert.

“I think they’re watching us,” he whispered, “Mum and Marlon and such.” Robert looked up at the bar, and Aaron had to bite his tongue to not lash out at Robert’s complete lack of subtlety. Robert put his arm up on the back of the booth’s seat, and Aaron unconsciously leaned back, Robert’s arm going round his shoulder. Aaron spoke up louder. “D’you guys mind? Or do you need for us to speak louder, too? Wouldn’t want you lot missing out on our conversation.”

Robert snorted a laugh and picked up his drink, the leftover foam catching on his lips before he could wipe it away. Aaron found himself distracted, snapping out of it from Vic’s pointed tone.

“Well if you two would get a room, maybe the rest of us wouldn’t stare so much.” Vic had a way of making you feel like she was staring into your soul with her doe eyes. Aaron felt himself getting punchy. Not toward Vic, of course, but he could feel himself itching for a fight.

“Not you, too. Adam’s already been doing me head in about this, I don’t need to hear it coming from you lot as well.”

“Well she isn’t wrong, is she?” Diane argued.

“Sorry, but are you _suggesting_ Aaron and I leave and find somewhere to be alone together? Because, by all means -”

“No,” Chas intervened. “You two stay right where you are, where I can see your hands at all times,” she directed specifically toward Robert as she pointed her finger at him.

Aaron dragged his hand over his face. “I can’t believe this,” he muttered to himself before speaking louder, “I’ve told you. We’re _mates_. And it’s none of your business, anyway.”

He missed the way Robert’s jaw clenched at the word before he rolled his shoulders, removing his arm from behind Aaron. “Yeah, mates. So just leave it, alright?”

Vic scoffed and turned away toward the kitchen, leaving Marlon trailing awkwardly after her. Chas stood her ground, arms crossed and clearly holding back popping her hip out like she was a teenager in a fight with her parents.

“Well, I had better not die before you two sort yourselves out,” Diane complained, leaving Robert spluttering as he stood to talk to her. Aaron was left in the booth, staring down his mother, and for once feeling like it was _him_ that was holding back his possible relationship when his mother was ready for them to move full steam ahead.

********

And so it continued.

Aaron and Robert would take a walk around the village, and he’d find Ashley and Laurel sat on their porch watching them. He’d stop in the café and Brenda would have a knowing smile on her face. Even Lisa had commented on how happy he’d looked recently.

Adam had even suggested that Aaron take Robert to scout out some contracts overnight, and Aaron decided right then that he’d start to count down the days until he and Vic left to sell their festival food or whatever it was they were doing. Turning into proper carneys by the end of it, most likely.

He’d about had it when Cain awkwardly forced out a compliment about how good of a lad Robert had become since being with Aaron. Aaron had groaned in frustration, leaving with a yelled “Would you lot just _leave it_ ,” before getting into his car to go see Liv. She’d been the only one to not comment on Robert any time he saw her, aside from Paddy who had grown more and more elusive as the days went on.

He had picked her up from school, forgoing the rest of his work day to walk with her around the park. He loved these moments with his sister. With everything that had happened with Gordon, he had been worried that he wouldn’t get to see her again. Liv had been adamant, though, running away from Sandra to see Aaron, and going to him with her problems rather than her mum. Sandra had agreed to let her see him, so long as it was in their city and as far from Emmerdale as they could get.

Aaron didn’t blame her. There were still places throughout the village where he could still feel Gordon’s presence, and he didn’t want Liv anywhere near it if he could manage.

They sat on one of the benches, and he couldn’t help but remember the first time he had met his sister, after years of not seeing her. Looking at her now, Aaron couldn’t believe there was a time he didn’t recognize her. The way she wore her hoodie, he mannerisms, her eyes. It was like looking into a mirror. Well, a smaller, snarkier mirror.

The air was growing cooler as night began to fall, and he shoved his hands further into his pockets and let himself slouch on the plastic bench. His sister was seated almost identically like him to his left, and a rush of affection overtook him, per usual nowadays. The sky had been grey all day, dreary like smoke caught in the atmosphere, promising rain that night or the next morning. He could feel the tip of his nose and ears grow cold as they sat, but he couldn’t be bothered to move them.

She had been talking about school. Something about maths and how she’d would have been at the top of her class if it weren’t for the repeat absences. Aaron smiled, mussing up her hair, much to her annoyance. “Lucky you’re smart, innit? ‘ve never been good at maths. Robert always handles that sort of thing.” He hadn’t meant to, but he couldn’t help bringing Robert up into the conversation. His life was so intertwined with Robert’s, it was hard not to.

Liv scrunched up her face in vague annoyance, turning toward her brother. “Is he your boyfriend now or what?”

Aaron stared at her in disbelief, eyes narrowing. “Has me mum put you up to this? I swear, if she doesn’t leave well enough alone –“

“Oi, calm down, I was asking for myself. You haven’t shut up about him, and most of it had nothing to do with what we were talking about. Reckoned you two must finally be in the honeymoon stage.”

“Why is everyone doing me head in about this? What happens between me and Robert is _between me and Robert_. Just leave it, will you?” He shifted to stand from the bench, but Liv grabbed at his arm and yanked him back down.

“I don’t care if you date Robert or not. You’re way better than him and we all know it. _But_ ,” she emphasized, making sure Aaron was looking into her eyes as she said, “ _you_ obviously care. Despite everything, you look at him like light shines out of his ass, but I think you’re just afraid.” She looked at him like she just _dared_ him to deny it.

Aaron sneered at that. _Piss off. I know fear and this isn’t it_ , he thought, but wouldn’t dare say it aloud. Liv didn’t need reminders any more than he did. “Yeah? And what do you know? You’re, like, twelve.”

Liv socked him on the arm. “You know I’m not twelve. And I’m right sharper than you are, I got all the smart genes.”

“Well, I got the looks,” he mocked, sticking his tongue out at her, only for her to just mirror it back. His heart swelled at how easy things were with Liv. How he could act like an annoying older brother to his bratty little sister. He had missed out on it while she grew up, but he’d hold on to this for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t let her go a second time.

They were quiet for a while, and he let himself think.

_Robert had told me he’d wait until I was ready, and he wouldn’t lie about that, would he? No. No, I know he loves me, he wouldn’t have stuck all this out if he didn’t._

_Is it me, then?_

_What the hell have I got to be scared of?_

_Shut up. You’re scared he won’t want you like that, even though he’s said. If you can’t admit that to yourself, then you’ve got bigger things to worry about, haven’t ya?”_

The wind started to pick up, Liv’s loose hairs dancing as the breeze moved through it. He shook his thoughts away from him and stood from the hard plastic of the bench. “C’mon. Promised Sandra I’d get you home for tea.” He left without looking back, hearing the telltale jingle of the zipper on her hoodie as she rushed to catch up to him.

********

Killing the engine and flicking off the headlights, the dark enveloped him, a stark contrast to the blinding LED backlight of his phone as he reread the last text messages he had sent Robert. If he was an awful conversationalist, he was an even worse texter. The text thread were spread out over weeks, lengthy sentences by Robert with two word replies by Aaron. _Christ, even in text Robert is trying harder at this than I am._

His fingers trembled slightly as he typed, and he shook his hand out forcefully with a scowl, forcing himself to regain control.

**To: Robert Sugden (20:17)**  
_Come to mine need to talk_

He locked his phone and bit at his lip, the dark of the car seeming less like a weight and more like a security as he waited for a response. It was taking longer than he would have liked, and his nerves were talking him down while his heart was racing, psyching him up. It was turning his stomach, the thought of imminent confrontation. He pulled his phone up, ready to take it back, typing in _Forget it nevermind_ before his phone chimed with a reply.

**From: Robert Sugden (20:19)**  
_Is everything alright?_

**From: Robert Sugden (20:19)**  
_I’ll just be a minute._

**From: Robert Sugden (20:19)**  
_You are OK though right?_

He blew out a breath, chewing his lip raw before he realized –

**From: Robert Sugden (20:20)**  
_Aaron?_

– he would need to actually leave his car for anything to happen. He got out and slammed the door with more force than was necessary, walking up the driveway from behind the Wooly and into the sitting room. Robert wasn’t there yet, and Aaron let himself pace. In truth, he wasn’t sure if he knew what exactly he needed to talk to Robert about, just that he needed him there.

Things were always easier when Robert was there.

“Aaron?” Robert called as he came through the bar entrance, looking winded and flushed, like he had run to the Woolpack from wherever he had been. “Are you alright?”

“Should be asking you that,” he retorted, moving past Robert to the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge and downing half before grabbing a second, handing it to Robert. He accepted it with a muttered thanks, his features growing more confused.

“Sorry, has something actually happened, or…” he trailed off, giving Aaron room to butt in.

“No, it’s-” Aaron gestured for Robert to take a seat on the couch, placing both of their bottles on the table as he sat beside him. He clenched his jaw until his joint popped, teeth scraping against each other uncomfortably, grounding him. “Before, you said you would wait until I was ready. I wanted to know if that was still on the table.”

Robert didn’t give him a chance to overthink. “Yes. It’s always been there. I’ve waited. Will do, no matter how long it takes.” Robert’s eyes flicked over his face, searching for something Aaron wasn’t sure of. He traced his own eyes along the freckles dotting Robert’s nose, to the wonky nostrils he would never tease about because that would leave him having to explain how endearing he found them to be. He watched Robert’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, and Aaron held his breath, releasing it shakily as he moved closer to Robert’s warmth.

“I can’t say that I’m okay yet. Might never be okay, but I am ready. For this.” He paused, anxiety rushing though him before squeezing his eyes, ridding himself of doubts and clawing fear that had been casting shadows around him for as long as he could consciously remember, opening his eyes to find not a single trace of deceit or mistrust in Robert’s eyes. Just the clear blue that he’d grown to know better than himself over the past months.

He didn’t let himself worry about rejection, knowing that if he fell into this, Robert would be there to catch him.

_When did my life become a Hallmark card?_

He closed the distance between them, hovering just a breath away from Robert’s lips, feeling warmth tickle at his skin before pressing them together, the kiss softer than they had ever shared in their time together. Before, they only knew desperation and manipulation, their kisses leaving them bruised and spit slick. This was almost entirely different. He had never been kissed like he was coming home, like this was the only natural way of things, and that everything else in his life were smoke and mirrors.

He brought his hand up to run through Robert’s hair, the blonde strands soft and the moan and puffs of air Robert released even softer as they brought themselves impossibly closer. His eyelids felt heavy, like he was drugged on the sensation that he had been missing for nearly a year. Robert ran his thumb over Aaron’s cheek where his beard met smooth skin, dragging over his cheekbones.

They parted slowly, Robert reaching forward to press quick pecks to Aaron’s lips, unwilling to let go but Aaron knew they needed to talk this out. They couldn’t let themselves be driven by lust, not this time. Not when everything had been so right between them for so long.

“Robert,” Aaron started, but Robert shushed him. Aaron let him, reveling in the silence for a moment longer before pressing a kiss to Robert’s cupid’s bow before reluctantly pulling back, close enough for Robert to keep his hands on Aaron’s knee, but far enough to not lead to temptation.

“Robert, I-“

“I love you.” Robert said it so matter-of-fact that Aaron couldn’t help but repeat, “I love you, too.” Robert’s eyes widened momentarily, and Aaron could feel his own throat tighten. In the two years that they’d been consorting with one another, they had never said the words like that, so simply like reciting the time of day or the weather. It was something second nature that, now that it had been said, Aaron wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stop.

Surely, he knew that they’d never be that couple. They were both too surly and secretive to exchange I love yous each time they saw each other, but Aaron couldn’t deny the pleasure he felt at knowing that, if he wanted to, he _could_ say it, and know Robert would say it back.

Robert surged forward, kissing Aaron first, dragging it out as they parted with nips to his cheek and down his throat. Aaron laughed, feeling lighter than he had in God knows how long, pushing at Robert’s face. “Slow down, we’re not defiling Diane’s couch when she’s right outside in the pub.”

“Upstairs then?” Robert suggested, pulling at Aaron’s shirt before they heard the door click closed and groans sound from the bar. They looked at each other in question before righting themselves, following the sound. They walked out of the back to find Vic gathering money in her outstretched palm from Cain and Adam, Marlon stuffing his own wallet back into his pocket.

“What’s this, then?” Robert spoke up, and Vic spun around to embrace her brother.

“This, my dear brother, is me winning the pool,” she said with a smirk, leaning over the bar to pocket more money from Finn.

“You two couldn’t have stuck it out for another month?” Finn groaned, shoving his wallet away with a sneer toward an overly cheerful Victoria.

“Hang on, what are you talking about?” Aaron asked, looking toward Robert for confirmation, finding him just as confused.

Chas spoke up from the register, “The lot of them have been betting on when you two would pull your heads out from the sand and get together again.”

“You _bet_ on us?” Aaron was incredulous, staring at his mother as if she’d grown two heads.

“Not me! It was both of your sister’s dirty work.”

“Right, see, Liv and I both figured early June but Lisa and Sam figured not until the winter hols. And Adam,” she said, punctuated with a light slap to his cheek, “had far too much faith in you. He figured it’d be back in early May. Didn’t factor in how stubborn the both of you could be.”

“You roped Liv into this?”

“Hang on, I didn’t rope anyone into anything. She was the mastermind behind all of this, I’m simply a good guess,” Vic replied, throwing her hands up in surrender.

“I can’t believe this,” Aaron muttered, but Robert only laughed. Aaron looked at him with raised eyebrows, and Robert’s face immediately sobered as he cleared his throat and managed to look stern.

Adam snorted into his pint while Vic patted Aaron’s cheek. “Already got my brother twisted round your little finger, haven’t you?” she asked with a smile. It had been rhetorical, but both Aaron and Robert spluttered out denials that were ultimately ignored. Aaron rolled his eyes, ducking back into the flat, Robert following behind.

“Well, it at least explains why you thought people had been staring. Turns out it’s because they were,” Robert shrugged.

“Gossips, the lot of them.”

Robert nodded slowly, and the pair stood in silence. Robert took the opportunity to sidle up to Aaron, curling his hand around the back of his neck and pulling him in close. “Feels good not to have to hide it, though.”

Aaron swallowed dry, licking his lips at the proximity. “Could be nice for a change. Think you’ll still want me without the danger of being caught?” Aaron grabbed at the sides of Robert’s shirt collar, bunching the soft fabric beneath his grasp. Robert hummed in consideration, smirking down at Aaron.

“I can tell you, I’ve never wanted you more than I do now.”

There was a moment they both paused before Robert practically chased Aaron up the stairs to his room, their laughter echoing down the hall.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm at [strongboyfriends](http://strongboyfriends.tumblr.com/) if that's what you're in to.


End file.
